It's been 3 weeks since I heard the material around requests and agreements, and for some reason, I keep circling back to it. Most communication breakdowns seem to result from a missing or unclear request. I spoke to a CEO group on work/life balance yesterday, and again, much of the breakdown they said they experienced was, in essence, due to a missing or unclear request. Many commented on the complaints they received from spouses who were weary from them being plugged to PDA's 24/7. (What a surprise!) But none has any type of request and agreement with their spouse. Why don't we do this with each other? Wouldn't it seem like common sense? Perhaps. I think it just seems too formal, or business-like to do this. Sort of weird - shouldn't the other person just be able to read your mind? Know what you want? Don't want? Evidently not.
And that's just one example among many where we fail to make clear requests and get agreement. According to Chalmers Brothers, a request needs to have the following characteristics:
- Specific and concrete regarding "what"
- Directed at a "who"
- State what will create satisfaction
- Have a time-frame and outcome
- Establish a shared context
So when I feel like my expectations haven't been met by someone or something, I am starting to ask myself if I made a clear request or not. Did I gain agreement? What was my responsibility in the breakdown? Was there truly clarity in both parties in what the request meant?
I suppose since this material has been circling up there in my brain somewhere that my answer is "no," I am not making clear requests. I'm going to see what might be different when I make them.
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