Living with the Question

What is my question today?

Honor the question.
Notice the question.
Sit beside the question.
Respect the question.
Allow the question.
Ask nothing of the question.
Live with the question.

Passage from "Holding the Center" by Richard Strozzi-Heckler

....By scanning our body and locating our center of gravity we begin to see how our attention can be willfully organized and directed to bring a greater vividness to our life. We are able to shift our moods, listen with greater depth to the concerns of others and increase our choices. ... attention training teaches us two foundations of self-organization: First, control follows awareness, and second, energy follows attention. When we're aware of something, for example, we've increased our choices in the way we interact with it. What we're unaware will act on us. 

(page 98, Holding the Center, Richard Strozzi-Heckler)

Difference in Learning v. Development

Hopefully, we all learn something every day. I learned how to Skpe yesterday. (...and I learned how weird I look on that webcam, yikes!) But it's a true sign of failure when we keep making the same mistake over and over, and in fact, I heard a speaker say recently that success and failure aren't opposites in her mind. If she "failed" at something, she thinks of that as something she nows knows doesn't work!  And I love that definition. Isn't that liberating! How many times do we hold ourselves back because we might fail? It might not work out?

But development is different than learning. Development is an intentional plan of improvement. It's focused, and has an outcome. So, coaching may involve learning, but really, effective coaching is development.

What did you say?

Thought it was funny today when we looked at interpretation and how many times we assume others can and should read our minds. If I say, "The dog needs to go outside" and believe someone will know what I mean by that statement, it could be a half-dozen or so ways to interpret the meaning. Does it mean I'm getting ready to let the dog out? ...It's raining, and although he needs to go out, he won't since it is raining. ...It's sunny, and he will like being outside? or, perhaps, a request for someone! Will you let the dog out?

How many times do we assume our words and tone are enough to convey the accurate meaning of our message? Of course, our values, beliefs, mood, experience, personality, motivations, needs, preferences - all act as filters and influence how we communicate.

After I thought about this, I began listening to others a bit differently after that part of the class, a bit more objectively. I started to think about how I choose to communicate, and exactly what I am trying to communicate. Is it a fact, assertion, perception, judgment, request, offer, agreement, wish, complaint?  When you have a breakdown in communication, it seems you can trace it back to an interpretation which either wasn't correct or failed to understand the real issue. I'm going to listen to conversations and just notice what I hear today.

Is it Right or Right?

Provoking thought and discussion around ethics today - thought we would review the ICF's Code of Ethics, and pretty much review what I assumed I already knew. However, the faculty member pointed out that ethical decisions are many times the choice between two right options.  If it's illegal, it's obvious to most, we hope. And if it's a matter of right v. wrong, it's character. But he shared the common dilemma is where there are two right decisions.  And from Rushworth Kidder, shared ways to look at the decisions - the lens of truth v. loyalty; self v. community; justice v. mercy. Someone in my small group works for Mars (she's been bringing in bags of chocolate - got to love that!) and she shared a recent example of a factory worker who saw someone fall. In an attempt to help them, they not only broke the safety policy, but the worker had their hand severed. And the safety policy clearly states the consequence of violating rules is termination. Talk about a tough decision. She said the toughest part was coaching and influencing the rest of the team - their overall response was "How could you do that?"  

Our group talked a lot about real ethical examples and I realized how close these right v. right ethical decisions are in our every day world. What are my beliefs about the process?  What information or values do I use? Why do I lean one way or the other? When do I make exceptions?  When I don't share common values with others, especially someone I am coaching, or perhaps a stakeholder, how do I approach it?  Is it right or right?  

My First Day

Whoa!  What a day. Blown away. Most of me doesn't really know what happened! I mean, I can tell you the agenda for the day, but my processing system is on overdrive.

And I'm in a room full of "A" players - having an advanced degree for this group is like having graduated from kindergarten.  I was a bit intimidated, especially this morning. But their stories, the life experience and what has brought us together, is bringing us together in a unique way. At least I'm going to trust that for now.

The information, models, skills - the take away for me today is, "Who am I when I am at my best?" There was clear emphasis on developing yourself as a leader and living as an integrated person if you want to be an effective coach with others. Job number one. Can't give what you don't have. Do you want to get on the development train?  Come on, but there's no getting off.

On my way....

I feel like a kid - I'm so excited. I'm ready to get on the bus and go to school, but in this case, a plane. I feel like a student at its fullest meaning.  I'm nervous, very (did I say very?!) excited, eager, curious and open.

What's going to happen?

The new stack of 19 books excites me - as does the articles, journal, notebook, pens. At another glance, it's overwhelming when I think of the reality of missed work days and family needs. I'm wondering exactly how it's all going to work? If I do the pre-reading and assignments required before class, are we going to talk about the concepts? Will we cover other topics? Will it be lecture based? Who's going to be in the class with me? Will they be more successful than me? Will I connect with them, or anyone? What's going to happen in this experience which makes it unique, or different than other experiences?